Silence

Louann Mims was forced into a kind of stillness that few can imagine. But stillness is something we all need more of. As Mother Teresa wrote, "We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature — trees, flowers, grass — grow in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence ... we need silence to be able to touch souls."

As we struggle to find our way through situations that make us feel helpless, we need to take time to rest in God. Those silent moments can become a source of strength and clarity. As it says in Isaiah 30:15, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength." Surviving Desperation by Jenny Shroedel

Wednesday night I went to the House of Blues in Anaheim with Nathan for the Hotel Cafe Tour (see my review of the show here). Rachael Yamagata was playing a song and had the audience singing along. She got to a point in the song where she paused, and there was silence. An audience member started singing the next line and she stopped them saying "that was a dramatic pause" and launched into an amusing explanation of the dramatic pause while playing the piano.

Music has been on my mind a lot lately as well as how Music, that huge part of myself, relates to God and my relationship with Him.

The above quote made me think of that moment between Rachael and the audience and how silence has it's own purpose, even with music, which we mostly think of in terms of sound, not silence.

Silence is a reprieve.

It is a moment to take in what you've just hear. To anticipate what's to come. To simply sit back and enjoy the eye of the storm.

Sometimes there is silence before the drop that fills your soul with excitement.

There is silence that reverberates with the harshness of what has passed, allowing your senses to recuperate.

Other times there is silence filled with suspense...in eager anticipation of that final resolution of a chord, the echoes of a music suspended in the conscious.

Yet it all has purpose. Silence is not a void, so much as it is a space. A space to grieve, to heal, to wait, to anticipate. Sometimes you rest, sometimes you are frustrated waiting for what's to come. It is not always restful if you're waiting for that resolution.

How does this realization apply to my life now?

I feel in some ways my soul, my musical soul, has been in a period of silence, even with a cacophony of sound happening in the outside parts of my life.

The music within me is swirling, unknown, untouched, waiting for the right moment of silence and openness to reveal itself.

I get frustrated. Sometimes it's because of the outer sounds of life that crowd out the silence that I desperately need. Other times it's because I am not letting myself be still and try to create noise that shouldn't be there.

When I am quiet, when I allow the silence to come over me. That is when I often hear the deep, gut-wrenching cry of my soul to touch the Creator and to create something that honors, praises, and adores Him.

Voodoo Practitioner tries to Jinx Bush

BOGOR, Indonesia - A renowned black magic practitioner performed a voodoo ritual Thursday to jinx President George W. Bush and his entourage while he was on a brief visit to Indonesia.

Ki Gendeng Pamungkas slit the throat of a goat, a small snake and stabbed a black crow in the chest, stirred their blood with spice and broccoli before drank the "potion" and smeared some on his face.

"I don't hate Americans, but I don't like Bush," said Pamungkas, who believed the ritual would succeed as, "the devil is with me today."

He said the jinx would sent spirits to posses Secret Service personnel guarding Bush and left them in a trance, leading them into falsely thinking the President was under attack, thus eventually causing chaos in Bogor Presidential Palace, where the American leader was scheduled to meet President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono on Monday.

Indonesia the world's most populous Muslim country, however many still practicing animist rituals, including black magic, that predate Islam's arrival in the archipelago.

"I am doing voodoo, because other ritual would not work," he told reporters after he conducted the gory ritual about 1 kilometers from the palace.

This gave me the chills! Regardless of what you think of Bush, it's sobering to realize the spiritual warfare leaders endure. Who knows how many things like this happen to our President, to other political leaders, and especially spiritual leaders?

Definitely a reminder to be praying for our leaders on all levels.

In response: "To Whom Can the Pastor Confess?"

Rather than take up a ton of comment space, I've decided to repond here (I'm too long-winded!!)

The numbered questions/notes are PB's and the responses are mine...his original post is linked above.

1. Do we subtly want our leaders to be inhuman?

I think that many do. My guess is that the root is that people want a connection with God and end up placing a pastor in an idolatrous position, rather than seeing them for who they are: humans who make mistakes and are on this journey with us. What they really need is JESUS in that place of leadership in their lives, rather than relying on the leader to facilitate their relationship with God (directly or indirectly) to the point that they

I touched on this in my own blog today, but I personally feel *closer* to leadership that ARE human. I feel like I can relate more and in a sense trust that leader more because I know they’ve gone through the things I go through in my attempts to get closer to God and learn more about who he is and what that means in my life and my actions.

On a personal and specific level, I love that you pastor in a way that you are honest about your searching, your doubts, your failing and weaknesses (obviously not telling us everything…some things should only be for close, trusted mentors and friends). I think that makes a stronger spiritual leader, because you are allowing God to be glorified, rather than yourself. Plus, I appreciate knowing how I can pray for you more effectively.

I think showing honesty, brokenness, and a lack of knowledge as a spiritual leader (thereby allowing God to work through it) is one of those things that can only make sense in the Kingdom of God, because the world will think us foolish. Somehow, I am drawn to leaders who confess, even on a “small” level of their failings because I know they are being genuine.

2. Should the pastor confess to others in the local faith community?

I think the answer to this lies in what kind of relationships are fostered within that community. I think that pastors may be surprised at how people will support them in their struggles. But it depends on the person with whom they foster that relationship.

There may be issues that come up specifically within leadership that only other leaders will fully understand, just as there are issues within every person’s life that only someone else who’s walked in those shoes can understand (a few that come to mind are marriage, parenthood, death of a loved one, gender differences, age, different work experiences), though someone who hasn’t may be able to empathize.

No matter what our own personal and differing experiences may be, anyone can pray for another person! And that is the most powerful thing, because it allows God to do the work.

3. The myth of “up the ladder” confession.

I totally know what you mean, even without specifically being in leadership. I think there is a built in fear of being truly vulnerable (and confession is definitely that!) to someone in a position “above” you, not to mention the complexity of different relationship “hats” like you mentioned. I can understand to a degree, as someone in a relationship that takes on two different expressions (work and family) and how the mixture can create tension in either or both expressions because of that blurring of lines.

4. Pastors without peers.

The buddy-buddy thing so many church communities have has never failed to bug the hell out of me. I always get excited to see pastors of different communities come together to share life and share the unique challenges and joys you share…and especially to pray for one another and the Church as a whole. A separated church was not God’s intention, and I don’t see isolated pastors as being part of his intention either. I’m glad you take time to foster relationship with other young leaders in our community in a joint effort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a personal note, my prayer for you and other leaders is that you’d find true fellowship and friendship and that would pave the way in creating real relationships and fostering honesty and that God would pour out grace upon you in this area. I think you have paved the way already…certainly much more than I’ve ever seen in any other leader that I’ve known.

I think the first steps in that are to encourage that within the community you lead, and because Aqueous is so community-based, I think that there is much more of a “friendly” environment in terms of confessing and receiving grace, no matter if you’re a leader or not.

~Marieke

Why do I care about Ted Haggard?

Ted Haggard's Statement to New Life Church

A Letter by Jack Hayford Regarding Ted Haggard & NAE Statement Release (Blogged by Billy Calderwood)

Billy's blogpost regarding Haggard & Comments

(I listed the links above instead of embedding them because they (and the news websites like CNN and MSNBC) are where I've gotten my information and are worth reading.)


I just posted my most recent comment on Pastor Billy's Blog (the third link) and it got me thinking...

Why do I care about the Ted Haggard situation?

I don't have any personal connection to him, to his church, and I don't think I've read any of his books. I don't even know that I would have recognized his name immediately as a Christian leader until recently (though I have heard his name before). Yet for some reason, I'm finding myself drawn into dialogue in various places and pondering his situation.

Growing up in the culture of modern Evangelicalism, specifically pretty conservative and "traditional" expressions, but now having a bit more of a post-modern, emergent church outlook, I have been on two sides of the coin, so to speak, when it comes to issues of leadership, sin, and the collision of both.

I remember the outrage that ensued after Amy Grant got divorced and then remarried not too long after. Christian radio stations stopped playing her music, people pointed fingers and condemned her without knowing the full story. I'll admit, a part of myself condemned her (there was no admittance of abuse or adultery or unfaithfulness- situations where divorce is Biblically allowed to my understanding - that I can recall), but I also started to question how people who don't know her personally could possibly cast judgement when each of us deals with our own sin issues and personal failings.

Then later on, through my own personal journey, my understanding of grace increased as I came to know God's grace more fully in my own life. I realized that there truly are complexities in so many modern-day situation that aren't explicitly addressed in the Bible. It forces us to dig deeper and look at the root values God gives us...the issues that truly matter, beyond a list of "Do's and Don'ts".

What of women who are abused or abandoned, both physically and emotionally? Again, there's no physical act of adultery, yet is that not unfaithfulness? Who in their right mind would tell a woman who is being emotionally or physically battered by her husband to stay with him because to divorce would be a sin?

Then there is the issue of Church Leaders.

Pastor Billy (PB) cited Scot McKnight's comments on the issue of Ted Haggard and the lack of openness about sin issues in evangelicalism:

But, what I find here is what I want to call the evangelical environment. In evangelicalism, and the charismatic stream in which Ted Haggard swims, sin is bad and sin by leaders is real bad. This leads to a complex of features that creates a serious problem:

1. Christians, and not just pastors, do not feel free to disclose sins to anyone;
2. Christians, including pastors, sin and sin all the time;
3. Christians, including pastors, in evangelicalism do not have a mechanism of confession;
4. Christians and pastors, because of the environment of condemnation of sin and the absence of a mechanism of confession, bottle up their sins, hide their sins, and create around themselves an apparent purity and a reality of unconfessed/unadmitted sin.
5. When Christians do confess, and it is often only after getting caught, they are eaten alive by fellow evangelicals — thus leading some to deeper levels of secrecy and deceit.

What we saw with Haggard is not just about leaders; it is about all of us.

Thus, a proposal, and I can only suggest it and hope that some evangelical leaders will catch the same vision — some at the national and international leadership level: evangelicals need to work hard at creating an environment of honesty. It is dishonest to the human condition to pretend that Christians don’t sin; but as long as we are afraid to confess to one another we will continue to create an unrealistic and hypocritical environment.

This "environment of honesty" is an idea that has always been something on my heart, even if it's lain dormant for periods at a time.

I've always put the most trust in leaders who were willing to admit to their failings, past or present. Whenever I heard a pastor mention some example of a failing in his own life as an object lesson, I tended to listen up more. Those moments of vulnerability were the catalyst for trust, ironically.

If a leader can be open about their failings, they seem more human and there is less of this "you are great, I am not" barrier that prevents the layperson from hiding their own sin to "impress" others with their strong faith.

It takes more strength to admit to mistakes and lay it out there for others to help you gain the spiritual strength to continue tackling the sins that persist, than to simply hide it all from prying eyes...which then compounds the problem by letting it grow in darkness.

McKnight further states:

To do this, we need to begin at the local church level of learning to utter honesty with one another, to confess sins, privately as much as possible, to mentors who are spiritually sensitive. I believe if confession becomes a safe environment — and exposure of what is confessed in private must be treated as a serious offense — that an entirely new environment can be created in which time will bring out the sins of Christians in such a way that it is both recognized and simultaneously dealt with responsibly so that ongoing growth and periodic healing and restoration can take place.

This is SO HUGE. It is not just "leaders" who need to make changes, but ALL of us...because each one of us who claim to follow Christ as the Lord of our lives have a responsibility to reflect Him. We are ALL called to a higher standard by the God who has called us to Him.

Rather than pointing the finger at others, we need to check out the fingers pointing right back at us and search ourselves. We need to pursue honesty and grace within that. We need to seek out mentors and those we ourselves can mentor and create that safe environment of honesty one person at a time.

The times of greatest healing in my life have been when I've faced the demons and sins in my own life and I've called them out for what they were to people that I trusted. In those times, I knew that what I said and experienced wouldn't be spread beyond the eyes and ears in that room.

I care because Haggard is a fellow Christian who has fallen like all of us do and needs our grace and mercy.

I care because he is hurting, his family is hurting, and a great many others are hurting and they need God's healing touch.

I care because I want to see God glorified through Haggard's weakness.

I care because Christians' reactions (grace or condemnation) will affect how others view our faith.

Most of all, we should all care because Jesus cares enough about each one of us that he died for EACH ONE of our sins. Not one of us is spotless, nor are we in any position to judge another just because our sins are more "acceptable".