I'm engaged!!!

Most of the people who read this blog probably know already, but here is the story, in detail, of Nathan's proposal. Enjoy!! :-)

Nathan and I recently hit 10 months of dating (November 8th) and Nathan told me that he had plans for us on Saturday the 12th. He told me we had to be somewhere at a specific time in the morning, so he’d have to pick me up at 7am.

The night before, we were hanging out and cuddling and Nathan decides to take off my rings, saying that he “wanted to wear them”. He’s weird (as am I), so it didn’t phase me too much. He actually did put them both on his pinky for a little while (they only fit about a 3rd of the way down, hahaha!!). But then he put them on his desk and I had a feeling he was up to something. I didn’t think too much of it though, cause for all I knew, he was doing that early as a precautionary measure.

So, the next morning he picks me up at my house and we go to Jack’s Bagels and pick up some lox and bagels to eat for breakfast.

We went up to the Riviera Theater, which is this old theater that plays artsy, foreign, and independent films that come in to town. The building is pretty old and right next to it is a courtyard with a beautiful fountain in the middle. We ate on the steps facing the fountain and just talked for a little bit.

Then, Nathan said we needed to go on to the next thing, so we walked back to the parking lot, but Nathan walked right past our car and I started wondering what was going on.

We walked into the theater (by this time it was 8am and NO theaters in Santa Barbara ever show movies that early – especially on a Saturday morning!). We walked right past the staff and the box office and right into the theater. I asked Nathan “What’s going on?” and he said not to worry.

Nathan got us to our seats and we sat down and the movie started. The moment it started, I recognized by the music that it was “Garden State”, our favorite movie and one that holds a LOT of sentimental value to us. Nathan had arranged for a private showing for us! I DEFINITELY knew something was up at this point, but a part of me was so thrown off, I wasn’t totally sure what was gonna happen next.

We watched the movie and had a blast enjoying a theater to ourselves. We talked as loudly as we wanted, didn’t have to worry about blocking views or bothering anyone. The thought crossed my mind that we could even burp out loud if we wanted to and I said so to Nathan, so he obliged, haha.

When the movie ended, we walked out, but Nathan stopped me right before the doors to the lobby area. He hugged me and gave me a kiss and told me he loved me.

Then, he opened the doors and I saw a pathway of white, pink and lavender rose petals. I exclaimed “oh crap!” as the realization hit me that this was it! An odd thing to say, but oh well!

He led me along the pathway out to the top of the front steps of the theater where there was a bed of white rose petals. He started his speech (none of which I remember) then got down on one knee to continue, including a part of a poem he had memorized. Then he asked me “Would you give me the pleasure of being my wife?” To which I of course replied “Yes!”

We hugged and savored the moment, and then he yelled inside “She said yes!” I thought at first that perhaps he was telling the staff cause he was so excited, but then my family starting coming down the steps in the lobby! They had been the ones to come and lay out the rose petals for us. They congratulated us and took lots of pictures. We were wondering where my dad was, when he pops out of the bushes across the driveway with a video camera in hand! Nathan didn’t even know he was gonna do that!

Then we all went out to brunch at Anderson’s Bakery, downtown to celebrate!

I am SOOO blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life! He's a keeper for sure!

Prayer Warrior

We all slept in our clothes--I, my brothers, my workmen, and the guards backing me up. And each one kept his spear in his hand, even when getting water. ~ Nehemiah 4:23 The Message

Last Saturday, at Aqueous, Pastor Billy's sermon (click link to be taken to podcast of sermon) mostly consisted of sharing his heart and the spiritual state of our church and his own spiritual walk. It was a powerful and emotional service, in a VERY good way. I am continually amazed at how God has worked in PB's life and how He has brought him and his family to lead our church. I feel so blessed to be led by these two amazing followers of Jesus.

As PB talked openly about the spiritual battles we are facing at this point in time, I felt my spirit be charged with passion. As he talked about how a lot of us are getting tired and discouraged at this point in our battle to reach the city of Goleta, I realized how much that is true for me. But rather than sit back and wallow, I realized that now is the time to press forward and persevere past the discouragement. The enemy is gearing up for attack and we need to be ready.

In line with the analogy of the book of Nehemiah, we have the walls half up. The enemy is seeing that we ARE persevering and making a difference, and realizing that they better do something to prevent us from furthering God's kingdom in Goleta. It's an exciting, but also difficult time.

PB talked about speaking with a man who formerly pastored a Foursquare church in Goleta that started in the 1950s. He said the average tenure of a pastor was about 3 years and the church ended up closing its doors. Our church has only been in existence for 7 years now, and our first pastors resigned after 4 years. At the same time, God obviously has a big plan for Goleta. The former pastor that PB talked with also said that he hasn't seen the same level of life-change in any church he's worked in since he pastored the Goleta Foursquare church.

That really struck me. It is obvious that God has something awesome planned for Goleta, but the battle is difficult. We're in the thick of it.

As I was contemplating the story of Nehemiah, I noticed how dedicated Nehemiah was to prayer. He often gathered the people for prayer. And that's when it hit me. We have 24 hour prayer from 8am Friday to 8am Saturday, but no specifically mobilized prayer the rest of the week. We don't have the attendance necessary to have 24/7 prayer, but we can certainly mobilize people to be praying each day of the week.

So I emailed PB and gave him my idea. Here's the basics:

Purpose:

To mobilize daily intercessory prayer from within the Aqueous community for our church leadership, church community, our neighborhoods and cities, and our global partners in ministry.

To give our community the opportunity to be intentional in prayer and give them the tools to pray effectively and specifically.

To build hedges of protection around our church leaders, especially Pastors Billy & Kristin as they minister to our community, our church community, and global partners in ministry.


Team Function:

Team members would sign up for a specific day on which to pray and possibly fast. Once signed up, the day stays the same unless the team member requests a change.

On the day a prayer team is scheduled, they will pray for the specific prayer needs of our church leadership, church community, neighborhoods and cities, and our global partners in ministry.

If urgent situations arise that can be communicated to the team, the Ministry leader will contact a team member, starting a chain of contact to pass the message on so team members can be praying.

Tools:

The main source of communication would be email. An email would go out to Team members prior to their prayer day listing any current needs for their prayer day, along with encouragements, Bible verses, and any other pertinent communication. Telephone contact would be used in the event of urgent, day-of needs.

Prayer cards/bookmarks could be a helpful tool for ongoing prayer needs.

Over the past few years, different prophecies have been spoken over me that indicated that I am meant to be a spiritual warrior. God has continually pressed upon my heart the need to be constantly interceding. Another part of the prophetic words spoken over me has been an image of leadership...leading others into the battle.

I have admittedly not been following that call very much. I've been lazy and content to do my own thing, just doing enough to "get by". I don't want to do that anymore. I am the most impassioned when I think about God's people mobilizing and seeking Him, ushering in His Kingdom and winning spiritual ground through prayer.

I'm stepping up, and I hope the church in Santa Barbara will too. It's time to fight, persevere through the tough times, and win the battle before us!!!

Save a Child

I'm sure most, if not all, of you have heard about World Vision and their child sponsorship programs. If you haven't, World Vision is an organization that provides for the physical and spiritual needs of communities all over the world. They are working in war-torn, impoverished, famine-stricken countries, as well as providing emergency relief to communities all over the world.

Nathan and I decided to sponsor a child together through World Vision a few months ago. Her name is Jane and she lives in Uganda. I've actually traveled to Uganda and been to a WV program facility there while I was on a missions trip with a different organization. The staff are amazing people and really do impact the communities both on practical and spiritual levels.

Jane's community is one where HIV/AIDS is prevalent and World Vision is there helping families and the community as well as raising awareness about HIV/AIDS as well as providing assistance to people who's lives have been impacted by the disease.

One awesome thing about sponsorship is that Nathan and I are both able to minister to her by sending letters and stickers and items like that as well as providing the means for her to get an education and proper nutrition and medical care. We hope that someday we'll get to visit her.

Please consider sponsoring a child if you don't already. The sacrifice of $30 (or $35 for a Hope Child in an AIDS/HIV impacted area) isn't really that much compared to the things we buy every day. You could sponsor 2 or 3 kids each day with the money spent on coffee at Starbucks every day for a month!

You can click on the link below to get more information...

Religion

I was reading a fellow blogger's post and it got me thinking about the term "religion".

Honestly, I hate the word. Particular in Western society, the word religion has connotations of rules, rote actions, and rites that don't really carry any real meaning. To most, Religion is something people often use as a weapon to beat the brows of people who disagree with their ideologies; it is people in suits knocking on your door; it is fire and brimstone; it is the right-wingers; it is judgement and condemnation.

And I just want to SCREAM that that's not what it's supposed to be about!! So many religions in this world do fit some or all of those things. Many Christians turn our faith into many of the those things.

I don't see my faith in Jesus as a religion. It's not a dead thing to me. My faith is LIFE! It is what brings joy and salvation to my life, and hopefully to the people around me.

My faith is Jesus is a RELATIONSHIP, first and foremost. It is about joyful abandon and reckless love. It is about diving headfirst into the depths of God's love. It is about a love so deep and wide that Jesus sacrificed his own perfect life that I might live with him for eternity, so that I might have hope that this life is not all there is, that I might have joy in this life while I am here (despite the difficulties) and that I might live and abundant life in the things that truly matter. It is about sacrificing my own desires and wishes that I might be more like Christ and live in a way that shows that He is the one in control of my life. It is about the grace of God that allows me to overcome my own sinfulness and the influence of evil in my life that I might come to know God even more.

After all, if God could create the entire Universe, from the largest galaxy to the smallest electron, then surely He knows much better what to do with my life than I do.

A postcript to "Birth Control"

I realized that I didn't really clarify that the thoughts in my previous post are my opinions. I think there are very valid reasons for women to use hormonal birth control and I don't want to seem judgement towards those that do because I'm not that way.

It's up to each person to decide, with prayer, what the best option is for them. I do wish more women and couples would consider and seriously look into natural options more, though, and I wish that the word about it would get out more as well, so I just thought I would share my thoughts.

~M

Birth Control

I posted this on another blog that I have, and thought I'd post it here. I think this is particularly valuable information for Christians!

.............................................................

Birth control has always been something in the back of my mind, but I knew I would never really had to answer the question for sure until my future husband and I discussed it prior to getting married.

I have researched it off and on for a couple years and I’ve learned about different methods of birth control. One that always fascinated me was the Fertility Awareness Method (also known as Natural Family Planning, but NFP is a little different). I know a few people who have used FAM for birth control and for pregnancy achievement as well. The more I looked into it, the more I realized that it was the way I want to go.

Now that Nathan and I are approaching engagement and I'm looking into wedding stuff, I am more and more sure that I do not want to use hormonal birth control (the Pill, Depo Provera shots, etc). I talked to Nathan about it, and he's totally supportive.

FAM is a scientifically-based method (unlike the Rhythm method, which is complete bunk - and also sometimes mistaken for FAM/NFP) that a lot of people use to try to conceive, but it is also highly effective (if used properly) as birth control. It (along with Natural Family Planning) gets a bad rap because of the failure rates don’t take into account user-failure. A lot of people don’t take the time to really understand how to use it, or they aren’t really trying all that hard to avoid.

Anyway, I got a book about FAM, Taking Charge of Your Fertility (TCOYF), and read up on it and started charting. It can seem complicated at first, but it's not really all that difficult once you get the hang of it. It’s not really any more difficult than remembering to take a pill every day!

Basically, I take my temperature every morning before I get out of bed and record it on a chart. There are a couple other things I take note of during the day and record as well. For most women there is a clear jump in temperature as hormones change, combined with other signs that my body gives me, that indicates when ovulation occurs. Another thing I really like about FAM is that I have become a lot more familiar with my body and my cycle. And for when Nathan and I get married, there are certain rules (based on how long sperm and eggs can survive) that we would use to determine when we'd need to use barrier methods of birth control.

As far as hormonal birth control is concerned, I have a few reason for not wanting to take it:

1. Moral – The abortion factor. I know it’s debatable as to whether the Pill actually causes abortions or not, but I’d rather not risk it. Most types of hormonal birth control work on a one to all of a few different levels. First, they prevent ovulation from occurring at all. Second, they thin the lining of the uterine wall, preventing any egg that might have been fertilized from implanting. There’s a third, but I don’t remember offhand what it is. I believe that life starts at conception, and that conception starts at fertilization. I am not at peace at all about taking the Pill for this reason.

2. Physical – I am already prone to health issues, so I don’t want to mess with my natural hormones and screw things up even more! Additionally, my mom never took hormonal birth control, and she never had issues with fertility. My aunt, on the other hand, did use hormonal birth control and she had fertility problems once she went off it, and she also battled breast cancer later on. My family has cancer tendencies, and I don’t want to add to the risk. Additionally, there is a history of various forms of depression in my family, and I know that hormonal birth control can affect women mentally as well. I just do not want to deal with the possible side effects.

3. Spiritual – The only reason I would even use birth control of any kind is because I don’t believe that it’s in God’s plan for us to start a family right away. There are other places that he is leading us at this point in time. However, once he leads us to start a family, with FAM, we’d be able to start trying right away! We wouldn’t have to deal with the residual effects of hormonal birth control and the possibility of miscarriage.


Here are some resources:

FAM info: www.tcoyf.com

Free online charting software (designed for women trying to conceive, but also useful combined with FAM birth control guidelines): www.fertilityfriend.com

I really believe that this is a beneficial and useful alternative, and I wish I knew more people who used it. I don't know anyone in my area who uses this method (although I'm sure there's SOMEONE!). And it's unfortunate that it gets a bad rap at times, or doesn't even get mentioned as an option!

New Design

So, my formatting got all screwed up and I couldn't figure out how to fix it, so welcome to the new design! It's not as personal, but oh well. Now you can actually see my posts without having to scroll down *rolls eyes*.....

My thoughts on life

Lately I've been thinking about life and what really matters.

I wrote out my life purpose for the money map thing and I realized that a lot of the things that our culture values aren't necessary to fulfill what I believe my purpose during the short period of time that is my life.

Here is my life purpose:

My Life purpose is to glorify God through my relationship with Him (through prayer, worship, reading my Bible, and acting on the things that He calls me to do), through loving and serving my family and friends and giving them the grace that God gives me, and through serving and ministering to people by using the gifts that God has given me.

I feel that all the details of my life with work out for the best as long as I live with that purpose in mind, because I know that wherever God leads me is the perfect and best place for me to be. My life so far has been nowhere near what I expected, but I love it, because I know that I am right where God wants me and there are good and wonderful things happening!

A lot of people lately have been telling me what they think I should do with my life. I realize that it's out of love and caring, but it's frustrating to me sometimes. The things they mention (education, finances, etc) are important to me, but whatever it is that GOD has for me is much more important. I know that God will give me the education I need (whether it's at a University, or whether it's through reading my Bible and living life), the finances I need (whether it's a lot or a little) and everything else. I would really like to finish my education and get a degree, but if I don't, that's not the end of the world. My degree isn't going to matter in heaven, and it doesn't even matter on earth if that's not something I need.

What is important to me is that at the end of my life, I can look back and see that I was faithful with what God entrusted me with...my life, my mind, my talents, my family, my friends, the people in the circle of influence. If getting my degree means missing out on something better that GOD has planned for me, I don't want it.

What I've said won't make sense to a lot of people, I would imagine. But I don't want to make sense to the world, I want to follow God's leading in my life. I trust that He will give me the knowledge I need, guide me, and provide for me.


~M

*Collapse*

I think my ability to deal with all that life is throwing me at the moment is becoming less and less.

I feel like I have so many things coming at me that I may crumple. Thankfully, God's grace sustains me and He also has given me a wonderful man who is there for me when I really need him to be.

All this is teaching me the importance of spending good time with God, no matter how busy I am, because I simply can't survive without His guidance and help. I'm not necessarily doing so great, but I continue to improve.

The funny thing is, I think the more I grow and learn, the more I realize how far away from perfection I truly am. I know so many people, myself included, who feel like they are moving backwards in their relationship with God. I don't think it's so much that, as I growing realization of how far from perfection we are, and how much we really need God. I think that the more we realize how far we are from God, the more we want to pursue Him and get closer to Him, and the more He works in our lives, whether we realize it or not.

I have a feeling that God is doing things in my life that I don't realize at all. Thankfully, it doesn't all fall on my shoulders, really. All I have to do is obey Him and let him do the rest.

I read the August 1st entry in "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers and it really spoke about this matter:

Learning About His Ways

When Jesus finished commanding His twelve disciples . . . He departed from there to teach and to preach in their cities
—Matthew 11:1

He comes where He commands us to leave. If you stayed home when God told you to go because you were so concerned about your own people there, then you actually robbed them of the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself. When you obeyed and left all the consequences to God, the Lord went into your city to teach, but as long as you were disobedient, you blocked His way. Watch where you begin to debate with Him and put what you call your duty into competition with His commands. If you say, "I know that He told me to go, but my duty is here," it simply means that you do not believe that Jesus means what He says.

He teaches where He instructs us not to teach. "Master . . . let us make three tabernacles . . ." ( Luke 9:33 ).

Are we playing the part of an amateur providence, trying to play God’s role in the lives of others? Are we so noisy in our instruction of other people that God cannot get near them? We must learn to keep our mouths shut and our spirits alert. God wants to instruct us regarding His Son, and He wants to turn our times of prayer into mounts of transfiguration. When we become certain that God is going to work in a particular way, He will never work in that way again.

He works where He sends us to wait. ". . . tarry . . . until . . ." ( Luke 24:49 ). "Wait on the Lord" and He will work ( Psalm 37:34 ). But don’t wait sulking spiritually and feeling sorry for yourself, just because you can’t see one inch in front of you! Are we detached enough from our own spiritual fits of emotion to "wait patiently for Him"? ( Psalm 37:7 ). Waiting is not sitting with folded hands doing nothing, but it is learning to do what we are told.

These are some of the facets of His ways that we rarely recognize.

~M

Life is good....

It can be so easy to get caught up in the little annoying things of life to miss the huge ways that God has blessed us.

I have been gettig frustrated with work cause it hasn't been terribly busy, so I am bored out of my mind. I'm one of those people who needs some urgency and lots of stuff to do in order to have motivation (I need to work on that -- maybe a to-do list of every little thing would make me feel like I have more work to do).

Anyway, despite the worries about finances, the future, life in general, etc, etc. God totally takes care of me.

First off, the God of the universe cares enough about me to have a specific plan for my life. The more time I spend with Him, the more I do things for Him, I am blessed. All the things He tells us to do are for our own good. The more we pray, the more we open ourselves up to God and allow him to work in our lives, rather than making God any closer to us than he already is. The more we serve and are faithful with what God has given us, who he has placed in our lives to minister to, and where he has placed us, the more he blesses us so that we might continue to bless others. It's amazing.

Also, God has placed so many wonderful people in my life. Nathan is such a wonderful man and so in love with God and desiring to become more and more of the man God created him to be. He is such a huge support to me and we love each other very much. I have a good family, despite the relational problems that sometimes come up. I have a wonderful church family that is such a huge support system for me. I have wonderful friends who I love sharing life with, who are a wonderful support and encouragement in my life (and hopefully vice versa!).

I live in Santa Barbara in a nice place, with wonderful roommates. I have a good job (despite my gripes with it sometimes) that supports me and I go to a beautiful school with wonderful teachers.

I have clothes and food and all the necessities, plus so much more.

I am truly blessed and I hope to be able to bless others with what I've been given. I think that if we as followers of Jesus would remember how much we've been blessed and how much God has provided for us from big (redeeming us from our sins) to small (giving us that one smile from someone special that totally makes your day), it puts everything into perspective.

Lord, thank you so much for all the blessings you've given me! May I constantly be giving you thanks and praise for all that you have done. For that is all that I really have to give you.

~M

It sometimes frustrates me that I have to so often learn things "the hard way". The trials I go through -- from teeny to huge -- are frustrating and often painful to go through. But God teaches me so much through each difficulty. Sometimes it's something hitting me from the outside, and sometimes it's my own sinfulness causing problems in my life (or a mixture of both).

I am a stubborn human being. Sometimes that stick-to-it-iveness is good. Often it's the cause of my own demise. But God is teaching me to humble myself when I need to through some current difficulties in one of my family relationships. I so often get caught up in how I'm right that I don't think about how I might be wrong.

My boyfriend, Nathan, has a very humble spirit and his humility has shown me how I need to be humble and when I need to even sacrifice my own "rightness" in order to serve someone else or give grace to someone else. I love how even though we may go through tough times spiritually, emotionally, physically or financially, God always provides exactly what we need to make it through and teaches us so many important truths in the process.

Even though I'm experiencing difficulty and pain, God has provided and blessed me by bringing Nathan into my life, giving me wonderful friends, and placing me in a loving church family. And He constantly gives me strength so that I can bless and serve others as well -- and continues to teach me how to do so. Hopefully out of my own situations, I will be able to bless others and share their burdens.

Oh, to be more like Christ in His humility and grace!

Life in the Valley of Death

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7182113/?GT1=6305

Death Valley is normally a dry, barren wasteland, but with the right amount of rain and sun, the life that is hidden pops above the surface.

What an amazing reminder of how God's grace rained upon us gives our dead and barren souls eternal life!

An attempt at brevity

I know, I know, it's been forever since I last posted. You're probably thinking I "took the plunge" and then disappeared off the face of the earth! haha. Well, here I am. I am going to try to briefly recap the past few months, but we'll see how brief it actually turns out to be...

Looking back, God has done so much in my life in the past year. By taking a step of faith, I allowed God to really begin to set me free from things that were holding me back.

I quit my job and went to a different one (though that didn't last too long, it was still an important step). I went back to school fulltime after only taking classes here and there for the past 3 years. I went back to my original major, my passion...music.

My first semester back in school was really good for me in a number of ways. First off, I was getting back to my passion--the love for music that God put inside me. I was kind of shy and nervous about performing again, but over the course of the semester, God developed a lot of confidence in me in numerous ways.

I hadn't been in much contact with the "outside world" for quite some time, having been working in a small office for so long and being homeschooled prior to that. So I really grew socially as well, getting to know my fellow music majors. What helped a lot was the intimate feel of the music department and seeing classmates hanging around all the time, either between or in classes.

In the middle of the semester, I went to the women's encounter weekend, and that really was a turning point for me. The things from my past that were holding me back were broken and I have felt so much freer since then. God really prepared me in a lot of ways for that weekend and has been keeping me close since.

I've learned to really listen to God and to seek Him more than ever. I've learned to be confident in who He created me to be, not letting myself be swayed by what other people expect of me.

Over Christmas break and since, God has led me into a situation I never thought I'd be in. I have had to keep myself surrendered to Him with this. It's challenging sometimes to know that I am following God's will, when other people don't agree, even those I respect. I thank God for the close friends who love Him as well and know me well enough to know to keep me accountable while allowing for God to be working in unusual ways. I can't deny the fruit that has come out of this situation and I just continue to seek God daily and keep myself and the situation surrendered to Him.

I suppose what I have learned in all this is that God is the one I need to listen to above all. I know I may make mistakes, as does everyone, but I have put my trust in Him alone. As long as I stay connected to Him, I can trust that I am hearing His voice and following His lead in my life.

~M

I'm still alive.