Living "offensively"

Offensive meaning "proactive", that is.

My husband, Nathan, and I were talking as we walked to lunch today and I shared with him how I feel like a lot of things in life have changed since we got married, not all directly related to marriage.

Lately I've been frustrated in the area of friends. I'm having to take the offensive and be the one to pursue my relationships outside my marriage (although that one also takes work, especially being only 4 months old). The thing is, I feel like I'm the only one making the effort to take the initiative. Whether it's my close friend that I don't see anymore unless we make specific plans, or the new friends I'm making through my knit group and other places. Honestly the lack of effort on my friends' sides at times makes me feel like I'm not important to them. And taking the initiative isn't always easy for me, which means that I end up not spending the time with my dear friends that I wish I did.

I could easily live "defensively" and end up a hermit, only spending time with my husband and probably driving him nutso. Perhaps if I waited long enough, someone would decide to actually call me up. It can also be tiring and discouraging, but in the end, when I'm connecting with that friend who's been with me through this and that, it's all worth it.

But I crave community and I crave the encouragement of others, especially other believers. It's the way God designed us. We are to sharpen iron on iron and that's what Church is about whether that's your normal church service, or two friends coming together in Christ to encourage, exhort and lift each other up.

On a spiritual level, the Bible is constantly using "offensive" terminology, and perhaps that's where the term "warfare" comes from, especially considering the continuous warring that went on in the Old Testament and throughout Israel's history. The wars and battles fought were both spiritual and literal. I think that we like to be able to label things, so we put the label of "warfare" on the spiritual battle that goes on in our lives. I know I feel a warring going on between my soul and my fleshly desires. And it's too easy to name off the demons "Greed, Lust, Self-righteousness, Pride, Anger". And it certainly feels like demonic oppression.

...and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. Matt 16:18

The gates don't move. The church does. WE are on the offensive and the "powers of Hell" (as another translation puts it), are on the defensive. But that doesn't mean that we are knocking down people along the way. We are to overcome evil with GOOD. The greatest of these is LOVE. I think that's where a lot of us get confused (particularly in Charismatic circles). We become so impassioned, that we forget that Jesus' focus was on healing, restoration, touching the untouchables, recognizing people's needs and meeting them where they are at. He didn't sit back and just let people travel to him from wherever they were (although that did happen as well), he traveled to the people...he went to their homes and ate with them, healed them, and restored them.

We aren't better than people who don't know Jesus like we do. We aren't above them, or in some Holy club, we are simply followers of a God who has touched us and we are called to share His touch with those around us. He's given us His spirit so that we have authority and power over evil, but he calls us to love our neighbors above all else.

1. What do you struggle with when it comes to contemporary understandings of spiritual warfare?
2. What should spiritual warfare look like in everyday life?

I struggle with recognizing that I am CALLED to be on the offensive, to be proactive, in how I live my life. To GO. I can't just float along on the barge to heaven. But I'm not called to be on a "battleship" either. Rather, I'd like to think of it more like a mercy ship. Wherever I am, I should be reflecting the love of Christ to those around me. I need to See the people around me as Jesus sees them. I need to Touch them as He would touch them. I need to Meet them where they are and give of what Jesus has given to me.....I need to LOVE them.

So in the day to day, I think the number one thing is to be connecting with God...to See Him, to Touch Him, and to let Him meet our needs, to fill us with Himself. Without His love and life in us, we can't do it. I know I can't. We need him to open our eyes, our ears and our hearts to what's going on in our lives and the lives of those around us.

I do think that there may be times (moments or even longer periods of time) when the spiritual is more present in my awareness and there is a strong sense of very real, very demonic activity, but in the day to day it's not that sensational.

"Spiritual Warfare"?!?

This thing commonly referred to as "Spiritual Warfare" has been coming up quite a bit lately in some blogs I've been reading (Phil Wyman and John Smulo in particular).

Honestly, it's messing with my head. In a good way. At the moment, I somehow feel the desire to cry after reading Smulo's latest entry on the topic, which I don't understand at all. He asks the questions:

1. What do you struggle with when it comes to contemporary understandings of spiritual warfare?
2. What should spiritual warfare look like in everyday life?

Honestly, I have no clue at the moment. I could wax on about something or another and make it sound coherent and logical, but I don't feel that would do myself or anyone else justice. So instead, this post is simply a spilling out of what's in my head and heart...all to be taken with a grain of salt.

Perhaps I'm feeling emotional about it because if certain parts of my current understanding of spiritual warfare (and I agree that we need another term for that, John) aren't "real" then it casts a completely different light on some of the experiences I've had and I have to re-think and re-process them with a different spiritual understanding of what happened at those points in my life. Not to say that God didn't do anything, but the question would be, what did He actually do? Was some of it simply in my head?

Silence

Louann Mims was forced into a kind of stillness that few can imagine. But stillness is something we all need more of. As Mother Teresa wrote, "We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature — trees, flowers, grass — grow in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence ... we need silence to be able to touch souls."

As we struggle to find our way through situations that make us feel helpless, we need to take time to rest in God. Those silent moments can become a source of strength and clarity. As it says in Isaiah 30:15, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength." Surviving Desperation by Jenny Shroedel

Wednesday night I went to the House of Blues in Anaheim with Nathan for the Hotel Cafe Tour (see my review of the show here). Rachael Yamagata was playing a song and had the audience singing along. She got to a point in the song where she paused, and there was silence. An audience member started singing the next line and she stopped them saying "that was a dramatic pause" and launched into an amusing explanation of the dramatic pause while playing the piano.

Music has been on my mind a lot lately as well as how Music, that huge part of myself, relates to God and my relationship with Him.

The above quote made me think of that moment between Rachael and the audience and how silence has it's own purpose, even with music, which we mostly think of in terms of sound, not silence.

Silence is a reprieve.

It is a moment to take in what you've just hear. To anticipate what's to come. To simply sit back and enjoy the eye of the storm.

Sometimes there is silence before the drop that fills your soul with excitement.

There is silence that reverberates with the harshness of what has passed, allowing your senses to recuperate.

Other times there is silence filled with suspense...in eager anticipation of that final resolution of a chord, the echoes of a music suspended in the conscious.

Yet it all has purpose. Silence is not a void, so much as it is a space. A space to grieve, to heal, to wait, to anticipate. Sometimes you rest, sometimes you are frustrated waiting for what's to come. It is not always restful if you're waiting for that resolution.

How does this realization apply to my life now?

I feel in some ways my soul, my musical soul, has been in a period of silence, even with a cacophony of sound happening in the outside parts of my life.

The music within me is swirling, unknown, untouched, waiting for the right moment of silence and openness to reveal itself.

I get frustrated. Sometimes it's because of the outer sounds of life that crowd out the silence that I desperately need. Other times it's because I am not letting myself be still and try to create noise that shouldn't be there.

When I am quiet, when I allow the silence to come over me. That is when I often hear the deep, gut-wrenching cry of my soul to touch the Creator and to create something that honors, praises, and adores Him.

Voodoo Practitioner tries to Jinx Bush

BOGOR, Indonesia - A renowned black magic practitioner performed a voodoo ritual Thursday to jinx President George W. Bush and his entourage while he was on a brief visit to Indonesia.

Ki Gendeng Pamungkas slit the throat of a goat, a small snake and stabbed a black crow in the chest, stirred their blood with spice and broccoli before drank the "potion" and smeared some on his face.

"I don't hate Americans, but I don't like Bush," said Pamungkas, who believed the ritual would succeed as, "the devil is with me today."

He said the jinx would sent spirits to posses Secret Service personnel guarding Bush and left them in a trance, leading them into falsely thinking the President was under attack, thus eventually causing chaos in Bogor Presidential Palace, where the American leader was scheduled to meet President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono on Monday.

Indonesia the world's most populous Muslim country, however many still practicing animist rituals, including black magic, that predate Islam's arrival in the archipelago.

"I am doing voodoo, because other ritual would not work," he told reporters after he conducted the gory ritual about 1 kilometers from the palace.

This gave me the chills! Regardless of what you think of Bush, it's sobering to realize the spiritual warfare leaders endure. Who knows how many things like this happen to our President, to other political leaders, and especially spiritual leaders?

Definitely a reminder to be praying for our leaders on all levels.

In response: "To Whom Can the Pastor Confess?"

Rather than take up a ton of comment space, I've decided to repond here (I'm too long-winded!!)

The numbered questions/notes are PB's and the responses are mine...his original post is linked above.

1. Do we subtly want our leaders to be inhuman?

I think that many do. My guess is that the root is that people want a connection with God and end up placing a pastor in an idolatrous position, rather than seeing them for who they are: humans who make mistakes and are on this journey with us. What they really need is JESUS in that place of leadership in their lives, rather than relying on the leader to facilitate their relationship with God (directly or indirectly) to the point that they

I touched on this in my own blog today, but I personally feel *closer* to leadership that ARE human. I feel like I can relate more and in a sense trust that leader more because I know they’ve gone through the things I go through in my attempts to get closer to God and learn more about who he is and what that means in my life and my actions.

On a personal and specific level, I love that you pastor in a way that you are honest about your searching, your doubts, your failing and weaknesses (obviously not telling us everything…some things should only be for close, trusted mentors and friends). I think that makes a stronger spiritual leader, because you are allowing God to be glorified, rather than yourself. Plus, I appreciate knowing how I can pray for you more effectively.

I think showing honesty, brokenness, and a lack of knowledge as a spiritual leader (thereby allowing God to work through it) is one of those things that can only make sense in the Kingdom of God, because the world will think us foolish. Somehow, I am drawn to leaders who confess, even on a “small” level of their failings because I know they are being genuine.

2. Should the pastor confess to others in the local faith community?

I think the answer to this lies in what kind of relationships are fostered within that community. I think that pastors may be surprised at how people will support them in their struggles. But it depends on the person with whom they foster that relationship.

There may be issues that come up specifically within leadership that only other leaders will fully understand, just as there are issues within every person’s life that only someone else who’s walked in those shoes can understand (a few that come to mind are marriage, parenthood, death of a loved one, gender differences, age, different work experiences), though someone who hasn’t may be able to empathize.

No matter what our own personal and differing experiences may be, anyone can pray for another person! And that is the most powerful thing, because it allows God to do the work.

3. The myth of “up the ladder” confession.

I totally know what you mean, even without specifically being in leadership. I think there is a built in fear of being truly vulnerable (and confession is definitely that!) to someone in a position “above” you, not to mention the complexity of different relationship “hats” like you mentioned. I can understand to a degree, as someone in a relationship that takes on two different expressions (work and family) and how the mixture can create tension in either or both expressions because of that blurring of lines.

4. Pastors without peers.

The buddy-buddy thing so many church communities have has never failed to bug the hell out of me. I always get excited to see pastors of different communities come together to share life and share the unique challenges and joys you share…and especially to pray for one another and the Church as a whole. A separated church was not God’s intention, and I don’t see isolated pastors as being part of his intention either. I’m glad you take time to foster relationship with other young leaders in our community in a joint effort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a personal note, my prayer for you and other leaders is that you’d find true fellowship and friendship and that would pave the way in creating real relationships and fostering honesty and that God would pour out grace upon you in this area. I think you have paved the way already…certainly much more than I’ve ever seen in any other leader that I’ve known.

I think the first steps in that are to encourage that within the community you lead, and because Aqueous is so community-based, I think that there is much more of a “friendly” environment in terms of confessing and receiving grace, no matter if you’re a leader or not.

~Marieke

Why do I care about Ted Haggard?

Ted Haggard's Statement to New Life Church

A Letter by Jack Hayford Regarding Ted Haggard & NAE Statement Release (Blogged by Billy Calderwood)

Billy's blogpost regarding Haggard & Comments

(I listed the links above instead of embedding them because they (and the news websites like CNN and MSNBC) are where I've gotten my information and are worth reading.)


I just posted my most recent comment on Pastor Billy's Blog (the third link) and it got me thinking...

Why do I care about the Ted Haggard situation?

I don't have any personal connection to him, to his church, and I don't think I've read any of his books. I don't even know that I would have recognized his name immediately as a Christian leader until recently (though I have heard his name before). Yet for some reason, I'm finding myself drawn into dialogue in various places and pondering his situation.

Growing up in the culture of modern Evangelicalism, specifically pretty conservative and "traditional" expressions, but now having a bit more of a post-modern, emergent church outlook, I have been on two sides of the coin, so to speak, when it comes to issues of leadership, sin, and the collision of both.

I remember the outrage that ensued after Amy Grant got divorced and then remarried not too long after. Christian radio stations stopped playing her music, people pointed fingers and condemned her without knowing the full story. I'll admit, a part of myself condemned her (there was no admittance of abuse or adultery or unfaithfulness- situations where divorce is Biblically allowed to my understanding - that I can recall), but I also started to question how people who don't know her personally could possibly cast judgement when each of us deals with our own sin issues and personal failings.

Then later on, through my own personal journey, my understanding of grace increased as I came to know God's grace more fully in my own life. I realized that there truly are complexities in so many modern-day situation that aren't explicitly addressed in the Bible. It forces us to dig deeper and look at the root values God gives us...the issues that truly matter, beyond a list of "Do's and Don'ts".

What of women who are abused or abandoned, both physically and emotionally? Again, there's no physical act of adultery, yet is that not unfaithfulness? Who in their right mind would tell a woman who is being emotionally or physically battered by her husband to stay with him because to divorce would be a sin?

Then there is the issue of Church Leaders.

Pastor Billy (PB) cited Scot McKnight's comments on the issue of Ted Haggard and the lack of openness about sin issues in evangelicalism:

But, what I find here is what I want to call the evangelical environment. In evangelicalism, and the charismatic stream in which Ted Haggard swims, sin is bad and sin by leaders is real bad. This leads to a complex of features that creates a serious problem:

1. Christians, and not just pastors, do not feel free to disclose sins to anyone;
2. Christians, including pastors, sin and sin all the time;
3. Christians, including pastors, in evangelicalism do not have a mechanism of confession;
4. Christians and pastors, because of the environment of condemnation of sin and the absence of a mechanism of confession, bottle up their sins, hide their sins, and create around themselves an apparent purity and a reality of unconfessed/unadmitted sin.
5. When Christians do confess, and it is often only after getting caught, they are eaten alive by fellow evangelicals — thus leading some to deeper levels of secrecy and deceit.

What we saw with Haggard is not just about leaders; it is about all of us.

Thus, a proposal, and I can only suggest it and hope that some evangelical leaders will catch the same vision — some at the national and international leadership level: evangelicals need to work hard at creating an environment of honesty. It is dishonest to the human condition to pretend that Christians don’t sin; but as long as we are afraid to confess to one another we will continue to create an unrealistic and hypocritical environment.

This "environment of honesty" is an idea that has always been something on my heart, even if it's lain dormant for periods at a time.

I've always put the most trust in leaders who were willing to admit to their failings, past or present. Whenever I heard a pastor mention some example of a failing in his own life as an object lesson, I tended to listen up more. Those moments of vulnerability were the catalyst for trust, ironically.

If a leader can be open about their failings, they seem more human and there is less of this "you are great, I am not" barrier that prevents the layperson from hiding their own sin to "impress" others with their strong faith.

It takes more strength to admit to mistakes and lay it out there for others to help you gain the spiritual strength to continue tackling the sins that persist, than to simply hide it all from prying eyes...which then compounds the problem by letting it grow in darkness.

McKnight further states:

To do this, we need to begin at the local church level of learning to utter honesty with one another, to confess sins, privately as much as possible, to mentors who are spiritually sensitive. I believe if confession becomes a safe environment — and exposure of what is confessed in private must be treated as a serious offense — that an entirely new environment can be created in which time will bring out the sins of Christians in such a way that it is both recognized and simultaneously dealt with responsibly so that ongoing growth and periodic healing and restoration can take place.

This is SO HUGE. It is not just "leaders" who need to make changes, but ALL of us...because each one of us who claim to follow Christ as the Lord of our lives have a responsibility to reflect Him. We are ALL called to a higher standard by the God who has called us to Him.

Rather than pointing the finger at others, we need to check out the fingers pointing right back at us and search ourselves. We need to pursue honesty and grace within that. We need to seek out mentors and those we ourselves can mentor and create that safe environment of honesty one person at a time.

The times of greatest healing in my life have been when I've faced the demons and sins in my own life and I've called them out for what they were to people that I trusted. In those times, I knew that what I said and experienced wouldn't be spread beyond the eyes and ears in that room.

I care because Haggard is a fellow Christian who has fallen like all of us do and needs our grace and mercy.

I care because he is hurting, his family is hurting, and a great many others are hurting and they need God's healing touch.

I care because I want to see God glorified through Haggard's weakness.

I care because Christians' reactions (grace or condemnation) will affect how others view our faith.

Most of all, we should all care because Jesus cares enough about each one of us that he died for EACH ONE of our sins. Not one of us is spotless, nor are we in any position to judge another just because our sins are more "acceptable".

Music & God - Creativity & God

Over the last year in particular, I've been grappling with what exactly I should be doing with this gift of music that God's given me. I've dabbled in songwriting, but lately its been a frustrating effort for me as I am not involved in a community of music like I was when I wrote my best songs (as a music major at City College). Being involved in that community was what fed my creative spirit and it's harder to motivate yourself when not in that type of environment.

Anyway, I've also been on a path of discovering what the idea of "music" means to God, to my relationship with God and I don't fully have words for all the thoughts in my head about the matter.

Getting to the point of this post (or perhaps, the lack of a point...) a fellow poster on the Relevant Magazine Message Boards posted this question towards "Creative Types":

I know the churh I attend is not very creative (but they think they are). Talented, yes; Creative, no!

Creative people are just too hard to handle for most people I've come across in the church so they're simply ignored or even put down until they conform.

That's my experience. I would like to hear about how other people see it.

This is what I posted in return (you can read the thread for all the responses):

I came from a church (grew up in it, actually) that was very stuck in it's ways and now I'm a part of a church that allows creativity to flow naturally (and not to the point of focusing on that and not what God is leading us to do).

I sometimes struggle with "worship" at my old church when I go there with my family since they are still involved and I truly love the people. The lack of talent, besides a lack of creativity, used to bug the hell out of me. But the problem was with ME, not with the church (well, not all of it anyway). My attitude was that my way was better and I had to fight the distraction of thinking about how much the music sucked, particularly since music is where I'm talented and where I do my best to be creative.

I'm very glad to be involved in the church community where I am now. My gifts (both creative and otherwise) are nurtured and given space to move as everyone else's are as well.

Someone mentioned how certain creative influences would be better if given space outside the standard "church" context. I totally agree! Our church doesn't have "special music" or really anything that isn't interactive in some way or another. But people are encouraged in their gifts. For instance, a band made up of various members from the church worship team (that isn't explicitly Christian in their songwriting) has been plugged in church because they are people who are trying to reach people through non-traditional means and out in the community, rather than just within the church community.

I think that certain God-given talents and creativity are better served OUTSIDE the church context (but encouraged within it) because that's where we can reach people and share God's love better than if we only use our gifts to serve the church community.

I don't know if I've made sense. I'm still figuring out what "music" means to my relationship with God, with the church, with other people, etc, since it is such a huge part of who I am and who God made me.

I don't have a neat way to close up these thoughts because they are still so open-ended to me. I certainly haven't figured it out, but I'm curious what other people may have to say (if they are even still checking my poor abandoned blog!)

Homosexuality a big deal?

This post may not make much sense. It is simply my rambling thoughts on an issue that I haven't figured out and I don't pretend to have all the answers.

Nathan and I went to see Brokeback Mountain with Ryan and Heather recently and it has certainly stirred things up, in a good way. Ryan wrote an excellent post about the movie and his experiences with running into a friend (linked above).

I wrote a brief review with my thoughts about the movie on a message board I frequent. The message board is predominantly conservative Christian women, although there are a few that are further on the liberal side on some issues. They are a wonderful group of women, many of whom I count as good friends.

Because I wrote that review (and I kinda risked it a little, because I wasn't sure if I'd get backlash, which I didn't), one woman private messaged me sharing her views on homosexuality (that it's ok) and shared with me that she was quite hurt by some of the responses she received when she'd shared those views.

That really got me thinking about how the church handles the issue of homosexuality and what exactly is in the Bible regarding homosexuality (and how the Bible addresses it). It seems to me that the proportion of time the church spends discussing the issue (oftentimes without really accomplishing much) compared to other issues is disproportionate to how often it's discussed in the Bible compared to other issues. For instance, homosexuality isn't referenced or directly addressed as much as the issue of money is referenced or directly addressed.

Could it be that perhaps the church is spending too much time focusing on this issue? It seems to me that we should spend the time discussing the issues that are most important to God, as touchy as they may be with the church. How many sermons do you hear that talk about being godly with money, for instance? Yet that is one of, if not the most discussed issue in the Bible. When most people think about a sermon regarding money, they think of televangelist's trying to get people to send money to them so that God will bless them financially. I've heard some very good sermons regarding money, but it's sad that pastors have to tip-toe around the issue because so many people will think that they're just trying to get money, when it's a legitimate spiritual issue.

Or even more pointedly, think of how strongly Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for their legalism? How prevalent is that issue in the church? It's probably one of the biggest issues, in my opinion. Who are we to say we're better than someone else? We have been given the grace of God not by any effort on our part, but because Jesus died on the cross for each and every one of us, because we were ALL sinners. We are supposed to be reflections of Christ? But did he point fingers and rebuke the sinners he talked with every day? No, his righteous anger was directed towards the religious leaders who were judgemental, condemning and legalistic.

Obviously, homosexuality is something that the church needs to address because sexuality is something that many people struggle with, be it hetero- or homosexually, but it seems to me that most discussions the church has over this issue end up doing a lot of harm and not necessarily so much good.

We hear the cliche's of "Love the sinner, hate the sin" and such, but what does that really mean anyway? Most people who call themselves gal or lesbian, feel that their sexuality identifies who they are. They hear "love the sinner, hate the sin" and most likely hear something to the effect of "I'll love you when you're straight". That cliche really does nothing except make Christians feel better about themselves and gives them a way out.

How many people have we rejected from the church because they struggle with homosexuality, no matter whether they're flamingly open about it, or still in the closet, or somewhere in between? How can people open up and be vulnerable on this issue (that they may not even want to be struggling with) only to be shot down? Yet how often are people rejected from the church for other sins? Is there a disparity here?

Granted, there are people in the church who are open to learning about these struggles without just shoving people into a box labeled "sinner". We all have our struggles with sexuality in one way or another. Paraphrasing Ryan -- How can I say I'm any better than someone else just because my struggles are heterosexual in nature?

I don't really have answers, but I have questions... and I think that's where the church needs to start. We need to be open to hearing and understanding the difficulties and complications of homosexuality. People who struggle with these issues are hurting and need to be TRULY loved, first and foremost. I've walked with some friends through these issues and it totally changed my viewpoint and made me realize that it's not as cut and dried an issue as some churches, some people, some leaders make it out to be.

I sincerely hope that movies like "Brokeback Mountain" will cultivate questions in people, especially Christians, that will help them search for truth.

And I hope it will help people to respond in love and grace when these issues come up, rather than judgement and condemnation. Because that's really the heart of the issue.